Kids say the darnedest things. This is an understatement with VGood.
Many times, VGood comes up with the most hilarious ideas and one-liners or manages to get herself into very sticky situations (like the lovesick episode) that I can’t help but really laugh my a** off. I have started writing down her witty quips and might just end up writing a whole book. Here are a few of our recent Funny V exchanges.
Over dinner last night, I noticed that she and ate M (our helper) kept on whispering to each other about some secret. I let it pass, even as V kept on glancing at me nervously. Then finally I saw it. The red circle on her forehead – a hematoma about 1 inch wide, but too finely delineated to be a bump – which she tried so hard to conceal with her bangs.
Me: What happened to that?
V: Naumpog ako. (I bumped my head.)
Me: I don’t believe you…
(I recalled seeing her playing earlier with a Snoopy stuffed toy with one of those suction cups so it can hang by the car window. She must have stuck the suction cup to her forehead!)
Me: Aha! I know what happened. It’s the Snoopy toy, right?
V: *silently nods* (apparently waiting for me to get angry, that’s why she was keeping it a secret with ate M)
Me: *bursts into laughter* So what are you, bola bola or asado siopao? bwahahahaha
Ate M finally breathes a sigh of relief now that the secret is out and chimes in: Ako nga rin at si Nate gusto nya lagyan ng ganyan para daw hindi lang sya naiiba! (She also wanted me and Nate to get a spot on the forehead so she would not be odd-one-out!)
V laughed along with me and the rest of the family. In the bathroom though, while brushing her teeth later that night, she saw that the pink spot has turned purple. This must have triggered her panic button. While I was putting her and Patchy to bed:
V: Mom, how long will this go away? *pointing to her siopao spot*
Me: Maybe in 3 to 5 days.
V *counts with her fingers* So five days ba walang school?
I silently LMAO’d. What the…! She was trying to let me know she did not want to go school!
Me: No, there’s school in the coming five days.
V: *buries her head in pillow and sobs* But tomorrow my classmates will see it and they will laugh at me, then I will cry! I’m too nervous to go to school! (nervous she pronounces “ner-vuhs”… ang arte, no?)
Patchy and I exchanged amused looks. LOL
Me: It’s okay. You don’t have to cry. Just laugh with them kasi it’s really funny naman eh.
V: Mom, can you buy something that will make this go away faster?
Me: *seriously thinks about it* Hmm.. Hirudoid? What else? Maybe we’ll just put ice on it tomorrow morning. (I was too lazy to get up and go downstairs to get some ice. Okay, okay, bad mama moment!)
V was still sniffing and sobbing softly till she fell asleep. I kissed her and Patchy goodnight.
VGood must have had an enlightening dream during the night for, come morning, she had a brilliant idea. She asked ate M to hand her the first aid kit. She rummaged through the box and fished out a piece of Band-Aid bandage. Lo and behold, the solution to her dilemma. She asked ate M to stick the Band-Aid to her siopao spot. Extremely pleased with her solution, she happily boarded hub’s car to go to school. 😀
I have some facial hair. On the upper lip. But I’m too chicken to have them waxed or threaded for fear that they will turn into full-blown man-hair when they grow back. Yikes! So I just ignore them.
When VGood first noticed my upper lip facial hair, she exclaimed with alarm in her voice:
Mom! You’re becoming a boy!
V: Come, look! pulls me to the bathroom mirror See? You’re becoming a boy!
Recently at the tutorial center, VGood, being the keen observer that she is, leaned over and whispered to me:
Mom, look at her! (nods towards one of the teachers) She’s a half-boy!
I pa-simple glanced over at the teacher. She got facial hair about a few micro-millimeters thicker than mine. LOL
Last summer, Patchy and VGood frequented the village swimming pool to cool down. One evening, as I watched them from my perch, I overheard a Korean lady making small talk with my kids.
Ms. Korea: Are you Filipino?
V: Yes. But I’m also Chinese. But I don’t know how to talk in Chinese so I will talk to you in English.
Ms. Korea: ??????
One a hot summer day: “I’m melting!”
Upon giving me a morning kiss: (with a smirk) “Mom! Your mouth smells like death!”
When baby brother Magnate was born: “Let’s go see him at the baby office!”
When asked what she wants to be when she’s grown: (after a few thoughtful moments) “A shoe designer!”